For my beautiful sister Jessie
My name is Kira. I had a sister. For 24 years I had a sister named Jessie. Some would say I still do, but her physical existence on earth ended in February of 2007. I had just had a baby in December, my second of two beautiful girls, and on New Years Eve she passed out in the car. Less than two months later, she passed away suddenly and inexplicably while playing Nintendo Wii with my older daughter, who at the time was 5 and a half.
My daughters are now 4 and a half and 10 and I am 30. When she died, I couldn't fully comprehend what had happened. I of course felt devastated, but when you have an infant and a 4 year old, grief takes a back burner and you feel it a little, but you can't let it wipe you out. Which at the time was good. However, it has crept up on me completely unexpectedly as summer starts to fade slowly into fall.
Since returning from our beach vacation in July I feel such a sense of loss and sadness that at times it threatens to overwhelm me. I get angry and mean and take it out on people I love. I fight it back and back and back again, and having two children and a husband helps me remember what I have, and not dwell on how much I really lost. Since she passed away, I have not dreamed of her often. I have in fact had one dream about her just months after she died and after that, nothing. The last two weeks I have been weepy and sad and I can't sleep. I wake up having had a dream about her and struggle to move on with my day. I think of all the things we would have shared, the things I would have been able to talk to her about, the relationship she would have been able to have with my girls and I wish to God I could have that back. Because, when someone is in your life for so long, you build up a future with the thought that they will be in it. When they are gone, you are forced to erase a future that in many ways you had pre-lived with them. Erase their presence at birthdays and Christmases, graduations, plays and weddings.
It is for this reason I have decided it is time to start this website. So I can send her letters and share my life with her(even though I know she is here). I decided to share it with others because I know, I KNOW there are so many people out there who have lost people who might find hope, or strength, or even deep sadness in these letters. Some may be sad, others may be funny, but isn't that what life is?
Eventually I will be adding a page for other people to write letters to those they have lost and I will publish them on my page. Please check out the links above for the rest of the site.
My daughters are now 4 and a half and 10 and I am 30. When she died, I couldn't fully comprehend what had happened. I of course felt devastated, but when you have an infant and a 4 year old, grief takes a back burner and you feel it a little, but you can't let it wipe you out. Which at the time was good. However, it has crept up on me completely unexpectedly as summer starts to fade slowly into fall.
Since returning from our beach vacation in July I feel such a sense of loss and sadness that at times it threatens to overwhelm me. I get angry and mean and take it out on people I love. I fight it back and back and back again, and having two children and a husband helps me remember what I have, and not dwell on how much I really lost. Since she passed away, I have not dreamed of her often. I have in fact had one dream about her just months after she died and after that, nothing. The last two weeks I have been weepy and sad and I can't sleep. I wake up having had a dream about her and struggle to move on with my day. I think of all the things we would have shared, the things I would have been able to talk to her about, the relationship she would have been able to have with my girls and I wish to God I could have that back. Because, when someone is in your life for so long, you build up a future with the thought that they will be in it. When they are gone, you are forced to erase a future that in many ways you had pre-lived with them. Erase their presence at birthdays and Christmases, graduations, plays and weddings.
It is for this reason I have decided it is time to start this website. So I can send her letters and share my life with her(even though I know she is here). I decided to share it with others because I know, I KNOW there are so many people out there who have lost people who might find hope, or strength, or even deep sadness in these letters. Some may be sad, others may be funny, but isn't that what life is?
Eventually I will be adding a page for other people to write letters to those they have lost and I will publish them on my page. Please check out the links above for the rest of the site.
